


Waiting For That Sleepy Feeling

by MsJackofAllFandoms



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF
Genre: Cuddling, Dialogue Heavy, Established Relationship, Fluff, Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor (mentioned only), Insomnia, M/M, Pet Names
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:21:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23635264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsJackofAllFandoms/pseuds/MsJackofAllFandoms
Summary: Ben can't sleep, Joe's trying to help but failing.
Relationships: Ben Hardy/Joe Mazzello
Comments: 6
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a combination of 3 things.-  
> 1) Shipping Hardzello  
> 2) Not being able to sleep a couple of weeks ago. Whilst I had my reasons, I’ve had many nights that haven’t had a reason, and thus, this: I project my issues on to my fave. Whoops?  
> 3) Landing in the ASMR corner of youtube, even though I’ve taken that part of the story out. 
> 
> Beta read by @ThePrincessed, even though she is not in this fandom. She is a good egg!

Ben’s been in bed for a few hours now but Joe knows he’s not asleep and hasn’t been all night so far, really. He’s restlessly been shuffling about, tossing and turning, curling into himself and then straightening up. It’s starting to get to Joe and he can’t ignore it anymore. 

He turns onto his side to face Ben, “Are you okay?” 

Ben turns again onto his back, straightening up from being curled into a ball and kicks the duvet down a bit. “Sorry,” he replies quietly, “Did i wake you up?”

“Yeah, something like that. What’s the matter?” He tries to keep his voice gentle, but it still comes out a touch impatient. 

“Nothing. Just can’t sleep.”

Joe doesn’t quite believe that, so he shuffles a bit closer to take a better look at Ben’s face. He just looks a bit tired, no more pale than usual, or not even flushed, so Joe’s sure he’s not sick and trying to hide it. “Just a bit of insomnia? Nothing on your mind?”

Ben shakes his head, “No, I don’t know. Maybe insomnia.”

Joe taps his chin in thought. “Wanna call Gwil, see if he’ll play you one of his wierd meditation tapes down the phone?”

Ben shoots him an unimpressed look out of the corner of his eye, “No.”

“You suuuure? It sent you right off to sleep on the plane, i’m sure Gwil wouldn’t mind-”

Ben sighs again, “I said no, Joe” and then he curls back up, back to Joe, and huddles himself back in to the duvet. Okay, he’s not in the mood for teasing. Joe leaves off for a few minutes, knowing continuing on in either direction straight away would go down badly. 

When he deems it safe, he leans over in the space between them. “Hey, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have teased you about that, I know they help with anxiety. I’m a dick sometimes.”

Ben hums in reply, which, okay he may deserve that.

“Is that what’s up? Are you anxious about something?”

Ben shakes his head, “No.”

Joe reaches out and places his arm above Ben’s shoulder, above the duvet. “You wanna cuddle?”

Ben doesn’t reply straight away, he breathes for a few seconds, then nods, “Okay.” It’s such a soft and quiet reply, Joe could have easily missed it if he’d have been moving around. It was a good sign that he was forgiven, though.

And so they arrange themselves comfortably underneath the duvet. Ben’s still curled up on his side, his head cushioned by his elbow, and Joe spoons up against him, back to Ben’s chest. Joe takes hold of Ben’s free hand and without really thinking about it, starts rubbing Ben’s wrist with his thumb. He feels Ben relax against him, and thinks it’s the key to help him sleep, and he feels sleep starting to drag himself back under and he finds himself blinking heavily… 

but, then it happens again. 

Ben sighs, again, and shuffles around, again, so that he’s less on his side and half way on to his back, again. 

Joe tighten’s his hold on him. “You sure nothing’s wrong?”

Ben nods again, “Yeah.”

“You’re not cold?”

Ben shakes his head, “No.”

“Too hot?”

“No.”

“Hungry?”

“No.”

“Thirsty?”

“No.”

“Constipated?”

Ben’s face crunches up but he does smile. “Joe.”

“I’m not hearing a no.”

He gets a small thwack to the side before Ben relaces their fingers, but thankfully he is still smiling when he says a firm no, which is an improvement on before. Joe looks over his shoulder at the clock and realises it’s nearly three, which meant that he’d dozed off for longer than he’d thought whilst poor Ben had, presumably, stayed awake still. 

He sighs, then, not knowing how to really help. He doesn’t want one of them to have to go to bed in the spare room, but if this continues, they’re both going to go without sleep the whole night and two cranky actors between jobs is never a good combination on a good day. 

“What are you thinking about?” Joe finally settles on asking Ben.

“Right now? If Roger was ever secretly in love with Freddie.”

Which, okay Joe wasn’t expecting that.

“Is that what’s keeping you awake? You’re worried Roger was in love with Freddie all those years ago?”

Ben shakes his head, “Not keeping me awake, no, just thinking about it whilst I’m awake.”

“Oh,” Joe says in response, because he doesn’t really know what else to say. Could Roger have been in love with Freddie, secretly, all those years? Possibly, but it won’t do any of them any good to think about it in the dead of night, fifty years after the fact. It wouldn’t change anything.

“We’re lucky, aren’t we?”

Joe feels his heart swell, “Yeah, we are. In lots of ways.” He gives him a soft, chaste kiss on the cheek.

Ben hums again and then curls up onto his side again. Joe goes back to the spooning position he had before and hopes maybe this is it for the night. He does love Ben, and would stay awake if he needed to, but he is tired and he knows Ben is tired too. His hand finds Ben’s again, and like he’s living deja vous, rubs over Ben’s wrist with his thumb. For extra calming measures, he gets just a little bit closer so it’s not too awkward to comb his fingers through Ben’s hair with his free hand. 

He wakes with a start, which is the first sign that he had indeed fallen asleep, but also he was sure his head was just buried in his boyfriend’s neck a second ago. Now neither of those things are true, yet again. Ben has turned completely onto his other side, this time to face him. In a mirror position to earlier, his head is resting on a bent arm underneath, and his free hand is fiddling with the seamed hem of his pyjama top. Joe cranes his neck to look at the clock on the wall. It now read 4:55am. He turns back around and their eyes meet.

“Sorry,” Ben grimaces, “Did I wake you up again?”

“Have you slept at all?” 

Ben shakes his head, “I don’t think so.”

“It’s nearly light outside. It’s nearly dawn.”

“I know.” 

“What are you thinking about now?” he keeps his voice light. He’s not irritated, he just wants to know, just in case.

Ben sighs, “If I go to sleep now and wake up for lunch, I’ll still have about seven hours of sleep. That’s not too bad, is it?”

It wasn’t bad in terms of hours, Joe conceded, but it wasn’t exactly a great pattern to get into…

“Ben, sweetheart, I know I already asked this, but are you sure there’s nothing bothering you?”

Ben shakes his head, “No, nothing’s bothering me.”

“You don’t have to tell me what it is, but if there is-” 

Ben cuts him off, “I’m sure. Honestly, Joe, I’d tell you if there was.” Joe thinks about the Instagram Post They Don’t Talk About and the subsequent Three Day of Radio Silence, but knows better to bring that up at this current moment in time.

“Not even Roger and Freddie?”

“Hm? Oh, no. No, that was just a fleeting thought. Stopped thinking about that about two hours ago. I started thinking about Bacon numbers after that.”

Joe was no stranger to Bacon numbers. “Okay. Well... What do you think would help?”

Ben shrugs. “I don’t know. Actually being tired?”

Joe brings his hand up to gently caress Ben’s face, “You are tired though, I can see it all over your face.”  
  
“Yeah, but, not actually tired enough to sleep.” They look at each other, then Ben sighs softly and gently removes Joe’s hand from his face, “I’m sorry, I’ll get up so I don’t keep disturbing you..”

And Ben actually pulls the covers back and puts one foot out of the bed before Joe’s brain kicks in. “No no no no, hey, no.” Joe doesn’t grab at him, but it’s a close thing. He lays his hands on Ben’s shoulders. “No. You don’t have to do that, okay? C’mon, get back in to bed.”

Ben keeps moving his other leg out of the bed, and shakes his head.

“Well,” Joe says, sitting up, “If you get up, I’m only gonna get up too to keep you company.”

Ben turns around and Joe just sees the edge of an eye roll, “Don’t be silly, I’m getting up so that you can go back to sleep.”

Joe still can’t shake the feeling that Ben isn’t sleeping because something is _wrong,_ so even though he is tired and could fall back asleep if given the chance, he shakes his head. “I don’t care about sleep, I care about you being awake, alone. What do you plan on doing? Going to the spare room to toss and turn in that bed instead? Go out to the living room to watch tv?”

Ben stands up, letting Joe’s hands slip off his shoulders, so still determined, but shrugs.”Maybe watch telly?”

Joe shakes his head. “Awful idea. Do you know what’s on at this time of the morning? The news and _Friends_.”

Ben snorts a laugh through his nose but he looks like he’s thinking through his options. Joe opens the duvet up for him.

“C’mon, get back into bed, where it’s warm.”

“Are you sure?”

Joe rolls his eyes, “I’m letting the heat out, here, babe; That’s how sure I am.”

Ben fiddles a bit longer with his pyjama top, and looks between Joe and the held up duvet before deciding to get back in to bed. He takes the duvet from Joe once he’s laying down and tucks it back in along his other side. 

Joe doesn’t immediately cuddle back up to Ben, he stays nearer his own side of the bed to observe Ben a while. He’s lying on his back again, head and neck comfortably supported by the pillow, duvet covering him up to his chest on his nearest side, and then further up to be draped over his other shoulder. There’s still nothing that suggests he’s not feeling well but there is a tiny frown formed now. Joe figures it’s the frustration at not sleeping, which ironically is probably not helping him sleep. 

He’s no stranger to insomnia himself, and he knows Ben can have bad bouts, but usually there’s a reason. Something about their jobs, or a social obligation, some worry, or an upset with a friend, words flying around their head at things that should have been said or were said and then regretted… But Ben’s denied all the possibilities, which frankly leaves Joe boggled. 

For all intents and purposes, it just seems like one of those things. Which is a phrase that Joe hates with a passion, so he shrugs it off and tries to think of something more helpful. 

He’s got nothing. He might have something if he wasn’t so tired, if he wasn’t on the brink of going back to sleep yet again. But he was already tired when he went to bed, the bed’s comfortable and Ben’s by his side. It’s the perfect recipe for a good night sleep.

But that’s usually also the case for Ben, and yet…

Joe look’s at Ben’s eyes and he’s not surprised to see him staring up at the ceiling. Joe sighs this time, but smiles at Ben when they look at each other again. “Hey,” Joe starts, quietly, just incase sleep is starting to nip at Ben the way it’s nipping at him, “You know what we do when my baby newphew can’t sleep?”

Ben doesn’t look impressed to be compared to a toddler, but dutifully replies anyway. “No, what?”

“We take him for a drive around the block..”

Ben snorts, “I don’t think that would work for me, Joe.”

“Well we also bounce him up and down in our arms whilst walking around the kitchen, but I think that would end in injury for us.”

Ben smiles, but it’s fleeting. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to think of solutions, you should sleep whilst you can. I should have just got up, really.”

Joe shakes his head and reaches out for Ben’s hand again, like earlier. “No. I want you here, with me.”

“Even if you don’t get any sleep because of me?”

Joe pretends to seriously think about it, “Wellll… if tomorrow’s just the same, then I might just have to kick you out. But we’ll worry about that tomorrow night. For now? We’re both good here.” 

“Hmm, okay.”

Joe snuggles Ben back in to him, sort of like they were earlier but so Joe could hold him tighter. The problem was, being the tired one, never really being able to shake off sleepiness everytime he was woken up, and being very comfortable as he was, he was dragged back under very quickly.

He wakes up a lot more gently the next time, minutes before his alarm is due to wake him up. He prefers it that way, waking up naturally as if his body decides he no longer needs sleep rather than a loud noise throwing him into sudden consciousness. 

Then, as he turns around to turn the alarm off, he notices Ben’s not there next to him. Joe sighs, then pulls the covers off himself and makes his way to the bathroom. Once done in there, he pokes his head into the guest room and thankfully finds it both empty and not having been used at all.

Just as he gets to the living room, and starts to frown at how empty it also is, he hears the tell tale sound of breakfast being made in the kitchen, and heads there instead. 

“Ben?”

Ben, still in his pyjamas from the night before, is standing at the cooker looking a little bit frazzled. He has a wooden spoon in his dominant hand, Joe notices, as he turns and smiles to him. Joe also notices the signs of tiredness that are very present on his boyfriend’s face. 

“Hey.”

“Did you manage to sleep at all?”

Ben shakes his head, “No.”

Joe makes his way further into the kitchen, “How long have you been up?”

Ben checks the clock on the wall, then peers into the pan of eggs, half way to being scrambled, on the hob, “Maybe about ten minutes? Not long before you got up. I, er, thought i’d make you breakfast.” He gestures to the pan with a flourish of the wooden spoon in his hand, then nods to the bread ready and waiting in the toaster.

Joe goes over the whole way and gives Ben a hug, “You didn’t have to do that.”

Ben shrugs, “I wanted to. And I was awake, so I thought, I might as well.”

They stay standing like that until Ben has to stir again, so Joe takes the opportunity to move over to the island to lean on it and watches as Ben pushes the toaster slider down and the bread disappears into the toaster. 

“I’ll make the coffee,” Joe offers, “You want a cup?”

Ben, surprisingly, shakes his head. “No. If I feel sleepy after lunch, I want the chance to sleep a bit.”

Joe couldn’t argue with his thinking, so said okay and just made himself a cup of coffee, then filled up a glass of water for Ben and put it next to his own mug, now filled with coffee. 

Ben takes the scrambled eggs off the heat, and places the pan on a little wooden resting tray by where the plates were laid out, then joined Joe where he stood, and leaned on him. Joe, though not expecting to take so much weight, was not surprised he was being leant on so much, Ben was flagging.

“You tired?” He asks, feeling silly because he can already see the answer for himself.

“Yeah a bit.”

The toast pops up and startles Ben. He smiles at Joe sheepishly before going to tend to it, but again, to Joe’s surprise he notices that Ben only puts the scrambled eggs on one round of toast, then he watches as Ben picks up the plates and one set of cutlery, starts carrying them in the direction of the living room. “Hey, let me take those.” 

Ben shakes his head, “It’s okay, I-”  
Joe puts a hand gently on Ben’s arm, “Ben, c’mon, you made the food, I can carry the food and cutlery, okay?”

“It’s scrambled egg on toast, Joe, not a five course meal.”

Joe just looks at him, eyebrows raised and his free hand open to take one of the plates. Ben relents with a soft “oh, alright”, and, once Joe takes his hand away from his arm, hands the plates and knife and fork over. “This one’s mine,” Ben says, about the plate with just a round of toast on it.

Joe leads the way, leaving Ben to turn the television on, but stands aside so that Ben can have the corner spot - his favourite spot, and then sits down next to him. He waits until Ben is sitting comfortably with his plate before turning in his direction slightly.

“This is lovely of you, babe, but how come you’re only having a slice of toast?”  
  
Ben shrugs, “I’m not really that hungry.”

Joe feels like the pieces of the puzzle come together, and he holds his cutlery in one hand and feels Ben’s face with the other. It’s warm but not overly so. Ben rolls his eyes.

“I’m not sick, I’m just tired.”

“Just checking,” Joe says, pointedly but not defensively, and then returns to his breakfast. Out of the corner of his vision, he sees Ben pick up his round of toast and chew slowly. Well, it was something he supposed.

Ben flicks through the channels and comes to stop at an episode of Friends, part of a back to back showing as indicated by the digital guide at the bottom of the screen. They share a smirk between bites, but it’s not long before something about the episode annoys Joe and he’s off on a rant. A quiet rant steadily interrupted by his own chewing, but a rant nevertheless.

Thankfully the episode ends just as he’s finished off the last of the scrambled eggs, and the voice over announces it’s a marathon and the next episode will be just up soon. Joe grimaces. “You don’t really want to watch the next episode, do you?” he asks, not taking his eyes off the advert of a product, as promoted by a shiny looking footballer, which promises to give you abs with very little effort. 

Ben doesn’t reply. 

“Hey-” he cuts himself off as he turns, and what he sees threatens to melt his heart like a piece of chocolate out in hot a summer’s day. Ben, with a loose grip on the plate in his hand, has sunk into the corner of the couch, with his head pillowed by his own shoulder and right arm. His mouth is open slightly and he is, blessedly, asleep.

Joe gently eases the plate out from Ben’s hands and eases himself off the couch, then, as quietly as possible, goes into the kitchen to place them in the sink. He listens out for any signs that the clatter of the plates, as quiet as it was, disturbed his boyfriend. There were none, and Joe doesn’t want to take the risk that there are any. “Eh, you can be washed later.”

He goes back in to the living room and Ben is how he left him. He only looked slightly uncomfortable. In the hopes it’s not the wrong thing to do, he bends over Ben by his legs and lifts them, gently and slowly, up on to the couch. It’s marginally better, but Joe concedes at least he’s actually more lying down now, and not as twisted. 

He doesn’t want to move him anymore at the risk he will wake him up, but he mentally makes a note to grab a pillow to place nearby, ready and waiting for if Ben shifts to a better position allowing Joe to place it under his head.

Instead he grabs a blanket out of the linen cupboard, a nice soft blue one they liked to bicker over because neither could remember being given it, and so were sure it belonged to the other - and lays it over Ben. He dithers a bit over tucking it under him, between his arm the back of the couch, he really doesn’t want to risk waking him, but also doesn’t want him to get cold, and then goes half way. He lays the corner of the blanket so it drapes over Ben’s shoulder and pushes a bit of the blanket in between the cushions of the couch by where Ben’s hip is. 

Satisfied, he looks down at his sleeping boyfriend. Joe’s still just a bit worried that the insomnia last night is the first sign of some sort of upset Ben’s yet to admit, but he really is just relieved the man is sleeping. 

Like the romantic walking talking cliche he is, he leans over and kisses Ben softly on the head, then, because he can’t resist, he cards his fingers through his hair - just once! Then he leaves him there to go get dressed for the day. 

Joe doesn’t know what he’s going to do, but he knows whatever it is, it’ll have to be done quietly. 

He grimaces at himself in the mirror; He knows himself far too well.


	2. The outtakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is from when it was a different fic going in a different direction, but I like the segments too much to throw away completely.

Joe taps his chin thoughtfully for a few minutes, “Would listening to that wierd video you like help?”

Ben glares at him out of the corner of his eyes and Joe can tell he’s blushing like he always does when this topic of ASMR comes up. “No.” 

“You sure? I don’t mind listening to it. I mean a cute girl taking you on a tour of her local park, in the rain, whilst she’s whispering to you in hi definition, what’s not to love about  _ that _ ?” Joe cuts himself off before he can continue his sentence ‘ _ at 2 in the morning’ _ . His sarcastic tone was already towing the line of caring boyfriend...  


~~~

“Hey,” Joe starts, also quietly, as if he’s frightened of chasing any spec of sleep dust that might be pulling Ben under, “ _ Have _ you tried listening one of those ASMR videos you like?”

Ben shakes his head, and there’s just enough light in the room for Joe to see a light blush on his boyfriend’s face. “No.”

“Why not?”

Ben shrugs.

“Not cos of what I said?” Ben hums in reply, which… is not an answer, and so, Joe figures is the answer to at least  _ that _ question. “I was only teasing.”

“You called it wierd audio porn for people too scared to watch real porn.”

Joe winces. He did say that. He can absolutely not deny saying that. “In my defence, I did not know you watched ASMR videos on youtube when I said that, and I didn’t know that’s why you and Gwil were talking about it.”

Ben huffs. 

“And hey, I know you better now. I know you watch real porn.”

Ben winces and scrunches up his face again, “ _Joe._ ”

**Author's Note:**

> I struggled to write the ending, because if it was so easy to cure insomnia, I wouldn’t regularly suffer from it. Then I wrote an ending, then re-wrote it a few times because I wasn’t happy with it. Then spent a week editing and fixing it up. If you spot any mistakes like spelling, grammar, anything, let me know.  
> Special mention to @Laminy who responded to my messages after I was concerned about how this story would come across.


End file.
